Switching our Primary Orientation
I have been listening to an audio book which is transforming how I look at what I’ve done and where I’m going. The book is The Gap and The Gain: The High Achievers’ Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy.
The main premise to the book is about the benefit of switching our primary orientation from on what we wish to achieve (and have not yet achieved), to appreciating what it is that we’ve already done.
Focused Confidence
The idea behind this is that by being aware of our past achievements, whether from today, last week, last quarter, or last decade, we are constantly reminded of our abilities, our progress, and our potential. And through this we gain confidence, perspective, and are able to accomplish a whole lot more than with a forwards-only orientation.
There is also an idea in the book about remaining focused on our own specific priorities and our goals, and not letting ourselves get distracted or manipulated by others who would prefer that we strive for their goals instead. The example Sullivan, a high performance coach for entrepreneurs, gives is that when others ask him how he is using his wealth and other resources to “save the world” he tells them that “saving the world” is not one of his goals. Rather, he’s very busy with his other goals and that they are welcome to ask one of the other many billion people on this earth for help with saving the world instead of him.
For me, the idea of not having to be concerned with others’ goals is very inspiring. This is because unless I watch myself carefully, I easily get off-track when I’m around others. Part of this can be explained by Human Design and Bach Flowers: I have an undefined G-Centre in Human Design, and a need for a lot of the Bach Flower Walnut. And partly it’s that remaining focused and on-track is a discipline that I would be behooved to better develop. And staying in the spirit of the Gain and the Gap, looking back I am certainly way, way, way further along in this area than I used to be.
The Gain and the Gap
Back to the idea of focusing on what we have already achieved rather than only where we want to go, Sullivan and Hardy refer to looking back as being in the Gain (because of what you’ve gained from time zero) rather than the Gap (which is the space between where you are now and what your ideals are). A huge drawback of only shooting for the stars is that stars are very hard to reach.
High achievers in particular have unrealistic expectations for themselves. Their goals are generally far higher than is practically achievable right now, and even if those goals are reached, they immediately snap up to an even higher level. And while there is nothing wrong with that, when it’s combined with not taking the time to appreciate, really appreciate, how far they’ve come, it leads to the experience of never really reaching your goals, and never being successful. And this in turn can breed depression, low self-esteem, and addictions. This is being in the Gap.
Focus on the Gain
Hardy and Sullivan suggest focusing on the Gain rather than the Gap.
For them, the Gain is looking at what you accomplished between your baseline of time zero and now, whether time zero was this morning, at the start of this week, 90 days ago, or whenever. By doing this you get a huge feeling of accomplishment because you see what you’ve actually done, and this helps propel further forward motion.
My Gains over the last 90 days
Let me give you a personal example. The book suggests first looking at what you’ve accomplished over the previous 90 days. So I did this, using my calendar for reference, and was stunned by the results.
Before I get to what I’d accomplished, some background about me: I have always been a person living in the Gap. I know what I want to accomplish, but it usually consists of high and unattainable goals. In addition, I traditionally have not looked at or appreciated what I have already accomplished, and the combination of these two up-to-now unconscious practices has resulted in my always feeling down about myself and my abilities.
More background: prior to doing this exercise I’d felt that I’d done absolutely NOTHING of value over the last quarter.
And wow, was I ever wrong. In no particular order, these are some of the things I had accomplished over the previous 90 days:
1. I began creating crystal bags (little gift bags containing one to two crystals custom-selected for the recipient). They are sweet and adorable and so very personal.
2. My husband and I began taking pilates (and are enjoying it so much).
3. I created and launched a new program called “Get Unstuck”. It’s a combination of Access Bars with focused conversation and if I may say so (and of course I may!), it is an incredible program for moving over and beyond patterns and past experiences that no longer serve you.
4. I began a new initiative called “Inspiring Women” where once every two months I interview a woman in the legal profession about a professional pressure point she faced and overcame. I create a dedicated page for her on my website which she can use to promote herself and I feature her in my monthly newsletter.
5. A woman I’ve always admired visited Israel and I traveled to Jerusalem to meet up with her and her husband for breakfast. It was my favourite morning in a long time.
6. I began running again.
7. I finally began creating a Popular Bach Flower formula I’ve dreamed of for years, for women in perimenopause and menopause. I call it It’s My Time and the idea is to help relieve symptoms of perimenopause and menopause and to help women empower themselves to do the things they really want to do in this new phase of their lives.
8. I received a formal diagnosis for ADHD.
9. I spent an entire day reviewing receipts. This is a biggie for me, for it’s something that I find challenging and often find a way to avoid.
10. I ordered and had a Family Constellation session which was extremely meaningful for me.
11. I joined Toastmasters.
12. I had a photo session done.
13. I began to journal deliberately.
14. I began leading Sadhana (an early morning Kundalini yoga and meditation practice) at a local Kundalini studio for the first time in over twenty years. This is extremely meaningful for me.
I looked at this list and was utterly blown away. Here was a period of three months where I was feeling depressed and down because “I got nothing done”, and just look at everything! And part of this time we were in a war! I’m sure too there is way more that should be on this list but isn’t, simply because I hadn’t noted them on my calendar and so have forgotten about them.
Believe me – when I look at this list, I feel so inspired and confident and capable of setting myself far higher goals than I have in the past because I see what I am capable of actually achieving.
The link to the book
If you’re interested in reading the book yourself, here’s the link on Amazon. This is an affiliate link, meaning that I earn a small commission on your purchase; however, the price remains the same for you and you can be rest assured that I never recommend anything that I don’t fully believe in and use for myself.
Limitless Gains
Wishing you limitless gains, and a far greater appreciation of both them and the powerful person that you are.
~ Sat-Sung
Sat-Sung Solutions
Bach Flowers | Human Design | Notebooks and Journals
A bit more about Sat-Sung: my passion and profession is all about supporting my clients who feel stuck, confused, or uncertain within a situation or relationship. I help you see what is really going on under the surface, including the patterns that are driving the situation, in a way that becomes clear and makes sense to you.
With this information you are then able to make accurate decisions and take appropriate action in relation to that situation or relationship.
Two of the main tools I use in this regard are Bach Flowers and Human Design for they are powerful, highly customizable tools that support lasting change. I like to combine Bach Flower essences and Human Design, but my clients also have the option of working with one and not the other. At times I also incorporate additional tools such as Essential Oils, intuitive readings, or Access Bars (energy) treatments.
I’d love to stay in touch. I invite you to join my Monthly Newsletter (yes, I send it out only once a month, and sometimes even less than that, to help you keep your inbox quiet) where I offer exclusive specials and useful and interesting tips. I invite you to join our community here: https://sparkle.sat-sung.com/52306/newsletter-en-0225
